Stewart Arthur

My online daily

EMAIL TO LEE ESPEY

Hey, Lee:

How is life in Panama City? I bet you’re doing well, looking “flaco,” and walking around with a swinging wet d.
Thanks for our trip to Panama last February. Kristen and I had a great time with you in Changuinola and in Panama City. I remember it fondly now.
"The Avengers" is an amazing film. "The Dark Knight Rises" was not better than "The Avengers." A twenty-something boy with poorly dyed bright orange hair went into a Colorado theater on opening night of "Dark Knight" with a gas mask and gun and mowed down 70 people, killing nearly 20 of them and injuring the other 50. 
The media says the film lost $30 million in sales opening weekend because of the attack inciting fear in moviegoers across the country of going to the theater. I know I fantasized danger scenarios while I was watching the movie (I had time to fantasize because the film wasn’t as exciting as “The Avengers”).
I have three-quarters of a year’s worth of “GQ” magazines for you. I know you’ll read the articles in the back, but pay attention to the style sections, too. We both know you need to study. And do some online shopping.
Work on the action/adventure novel is coming along because now I know it’s an action/adventure novel. The genres are science fiction and fantasy, but the archetype of novel is action/adventure. I know this because I read a how-to book that asked me to ask myself what emotions I wanted to evoke. I primarily want to thrill with epic moments.
Shoot me a note, no matter how small, after you’ve read this.
Really, I just need your mailing address.
Also, we should Skype. You have my available dates this month in an earlier email.
SAP
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Why wait until you’re dead to have someone else compile all the physical letters you’ve never written because we primarily email each other these days? Publish your emails online the day you send them! I sent this email less than fifteen minutes before this post’s publication time.
Crashing hotel pools is always sweet

Crashing hotel pools is always sweet

What if this silicone brush were six feet tall with electrocuting barbed whips at its tip?

What if this silicone brush were six feet tall with electrocuting barbed whips at its tip?

I’m not fooled by this fake-highlighted, automatically personalized salesman letter.

I’m not fooled by this fake-highlighted, automatically personalized salesman letter.

Voodoo Talking witch

Starts a conversation, keeps you talking, tries to fight you if you leave. Death is certain if you don’t leave. To defeat her, you’ve got to get her name and say it in her eyes while holding hands.

Imagine a fat man eating a small black hole. For an instant, he’s fine, smiling, content. For another, his flesh sucks to a point in his stomach. For another, he’s gone.

Uncannily enough, just before disappearing, he looked buff, if only for a second. It was time enough for the fat man to wink and flex.

Voodoo Talking witch

Starts a conversation, keeps you talking, tries to fight you if you leave. Death is certain if you don’t leave. To defeat her, you’ve got to get her name and say it in her eyes while holding hands.

Imagine a fat man eating a small black hole. For an instant, he’s fine, smiling, content. For another, his flesh sucks to a point in his stomach. For another, he’s gone.

Uncannily enough, just before disappearing, he looked buff, if only for a second. It was time enough for the fat man to wink and flex.

Professor Binns had asked for a three-foot-long composition on “The Medieval Assembly of European Wizards.”

—J.K. Rowling

I watched “Shame” yesterday. The whole time I was thinking, “Is he going to have sex with his sister?”

I watched “Shame” yesterday. The whole time I was thinking, “Is he going to have sex with his sister?”

Reagan is pretty. It’s one of my top airports, for its design and smaller size

Reagan is pretty. It’s one of my top airports, for its design and smaller size

I need to do a weekly whiteboard for my personal life, too

I need to do a weekly whiteboard for my personal life, too